To whom it may concern.

I’d sworn I’d never write of you at all,

and yet here we are. Deduced to indirect words over a social network. I guess that assumes us as cowardly. However, I am here to be bold. 

I am forgiven. 

I am accepted.

I am washed clean.

I am made new. 

I am all of these things without the help of anyone of this world. “So then, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; what is old has passed away…” 2 Cor. 5:17. I have everything I need in Him and I desire none other. I will love you until the day that I leave this world, but I will not give you the satisfaction of my desire. 

As for your questions, well I don’t guess I’m the one in charge of your thoughts or feelings. My life has been what you’ve made of it thus far, and as long as we keep this distance you’ll assume what you can and I guess I don’t blame you. When people ask, as they rarely do, I simply say we don’t talk. Those things do happen, you know. 

This isn’t a game. There is no competition. If it’s my forgiveness you’re seeking, it’s been done. If it’s my compassion you’re seeking, it’s been done. If it’s mercy you’re seeking, it’s been done. If it’s my love you’re seeking, it’s been done. But if you’re after my grief, my sorrow, my regret, you won’t find it here. You ask me if I care, but as I recall, you are the one who said you’d forgotten me. You are the one who let a little bad outweigh a lot of good. And if it were someone else, things would have changed by now, but the reality is that it isn’t anyone else. It’s you, and it’s me. At least it should have been. You can blame me all that you want, but I waited for your call.

But because you decided it so, it never did come. 

“He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.” Proverbs 17:9

Innocently, she stood before a clouded sea.

Before the end of a country and the start of the dark unknown of the open water, he watched her by the moonlight. Their feet in the cold sand and surrounded by the excited screeching of children’s laughter, he couldn’t dare himself to keep his eyes elsewhere. Her hair whipped behind her in the wind and he stood there loving every strand of it. She wasn’t aware of where his thoughts were, but she knew fully well that the man behind her was the one she wanted forever. 

While she stood there in front of him, staring into crashing waves, he glanced back at the city lights behind him. In his pensive glance, he thought about the shore line. The shore line being the end of everything his entire world is built upon, the end of the land he knows. He turned back around to look at the girl he loved and the ocean before her. In one fell swoop, he poetically compared their life together to the intimacy of the environment surrounding them. The world he knows behind him, the sturdy ground under his feet, a precise beginning and end to everything that he’s ever known. And then the girl, standing right where everything changes. Where the ground becomes unsteady waters that go on forever, withholding things unknown and obstacles that could be life changing, for better or worse. He saw it in her that she was ready to dive in, to embrace whatever that ocean was ready to toss her into. While he took the moment to consider, he realized that he was more than ready himself as well. 

Knowing full and well that one day they would sail away together, he grabbed her hand as they headed back into the busyness of the world they know together. And with a sweet peck on the lips of his love, they knew in their hearts that neither of them could ever see that ocean the same way ever again. 

You have your choices.

And these are what make man great, his ladder to the stars. 

But you’ve fallen a long way down that ladder since we first crossed paths and you graced me with your impressionable presence. I won’t deny what I saw in you then and I certainly won’t go as far as to say that I don’t see it now.

To be quite honest, I see right through you, despite that impenitent wall you surround yourself with. But I won’t be the one to penetrate those walls, though I know I’ve been one of the very few to come close enough to knock it down. I suppose that’s why you’ve kept me at such a distance all this time. 

I don’t mean to sound angry. Because truthfully, I could never hold your actions against you to the extent that I should have. But it tears me apart to see you wallow at a standpoint similar to which I once stood, but with extremities. 

Because the difference between you and I, is that my situation isn’t going to change this time. And oddly enough, I do sympathize with you for that. 

I want you to know that it could have been different. And though that thought is long gone, it isn’t a thing that you’ve done that is at fault for the alternative. But if you want to blame your inhibitions, then I won’t be the one to stop you. But I will be here when you’re looking for a friend.

afternoonsnoozebutton asked: Yup yup :) Matt & Kim all the way.

yessssssss. I’m way too proud of the fact that I knew that. =] haha

You’re the prettiest lady

in the whole wide world.

You’re beautiful, and I’m not just saying that. But not just in appearance either. In heart and in character, I think you’re the most beautiful person in the world. And I feel lucky to even compare in the tiniest bit in resemblance. 

I know that things haven’t always been peachy with us. I know that I’ve hurt you many times throughout the years, through my words and through my actions and lack thereof. I know a lot of times I never listened, and more than that I never paid attention. I know that I always asked a lot and gave very little, and that I took advantage of every chance I could to get off the hook and even to this very day, I still get away with more than I should.  I’m still such a flawed person when it comes to treating you right, but I’ll have you know that one day, I’m going to give you back everything. 

I’m still learning. And I know that you are too. This journey that we’ve had together has been rough and we’ve had so many hurdles to jump along the way. But we’ve jumped them all together and we’re going to keep jumping until we can’t anymore. And I can’t think of another person in the whole entire world that is as strong as you are and as willing to endure what you have for me and I don’t think that there are enough words in the English language to express to you how much gratitude I have for that. I love you, Mom. Beyond any realm of thought or expression, I do. And you’re my best friend and my favorite teacher and I just can’t wait to live the life you’ve been preparing for me over the past couple of decades.I owe so much of who I am to you. 

I had the best days with you. 

I love it when I go to kiss you,

and it’s weird because you’re smiling so hard.”

It’s true, it is weird. Yet, so comforting. The fact that kissing you brings an overwhelming amount of joy to the creases in my lips to a point that my face is compelled to crack a smile is so, so comforting. And at the end of the day, the only conclusion we ever come to is that the moment you leave we’ll be looking forward to the moment we’re able to fall back into each other’s arms the next day. 

Time moves so quickly around us, but even still it seems so soon. But I want to know you, every part. And just as I told you earlier tonight, I can’t wait to be your best friend and get to the point that we have to make up from a fight. Really, I just can’t wait for all the moments I get to look to my side and see you still standing there beside me, ready to give me the world that is your heart. 

For the first time in my life, I’m not afraid of falling. Because I know wholeheartedly that you are going to be there to catch me. And there’s so much beauty, so much innocence, and so much perfection in the way that we work together. 

You always ask me if you’re dreaming, but I swear it’s me who never wants to wake up. 

There’s never anything on TV,

but we usually keep it on anyway, to watch the game or to pass the time. But laying here, doing absolutely nothing but holding you is the most fun I think I’ve ever had. 

I could trace your entire face with my fingertips for hours. And staring into those grey eyes that see right through me, my heart is now melting faster and faster by the second. The smile on my face refuses to fade for even a moment in your presence and it’s all due to every bit of beauty within your heart. 

I have so much faith in the fact that what we have could only be something constructed by God Himself. And I can’t stop rejoicing in Him and His wonder and glory and the pure perfection of His timing. And suddenly, every bit of past makes so much sense, because He needed me to be ready when someone so wonderful as you walked into my life. 

Tonight you asked me if I could ever fall for someone like you. And truthfully, I think you’re crazy to ask such a question. Because the answer is so unquestionably absolute. 

Yes. Yes, I really could.